Truth is relative

In Moving Pictures

2012-02-05T01:44:00.006+08:00

January was a steady month. Work had eaten up most of my time, as always. The impeachment trial of the country’s chief justice had commenced, and it had been blighter by the day.

But there were days spent with friends and family. These were fun, fun times.

In January, I decided to jog again for project collarbone. I started watching plays again, reading books again… and watching films again – my favorite pastime.

January in films

• Outsourced, 2006

• Children of Men, 2006

“Very odd, what happens to the world without children’s voices.” — Miriam (played by Pam Ferris)

• Art School Confidential, 2006

• Page One: Inside the New York Times, 2010

• Submarine, 2011

• Pretty in Pink, 1986

• El Consul de Sodoma, 2009

• Win-Win, 2011

• The Blind Side, 2009

• Winter’s Bone, 2010

• Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows, 2011

• La Belle Personne, 2008

• Chalet Girl, 2011

• Midnight in Paris, 2011

“You have a clear and lively voice. Don’t be such a defeatist.” — Gertrude Stein (played by Kathy Bates)

Not much, I know. But here’s to getting back to where we were! Change is coming, I can feel it.

A roller coaster 2011

2011-12-31T20:23:00.008+08:00

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?

(1) Do beat reporting, which includes talking to a senator by phone at around 3 a.m., ambush interviewing the BSP chief and DILG Secretary in an elevator and washroom, and texting the Moro Islamic Liberation Front and New People’s Army spokespersons, among others.

(2) Asking favors from people I met or talked to for the first time.

(3) Flew and hit land hard.

(4) I also have never drank nor smoked so much, as I did in 2011. I will definitely have to cut down.

(5) Phoned in two 500 word stories. Ang hirap, ang hirap (Curtis, 2008).

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

No, I actually gained weight. Yes, I am at my fattest stage… Never again to martial law! I am not going to give-up without a goddamn fight (Curtis, 2011)

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Not that I know of.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

My dad died of kidney complications. I still feel weird that nobody’s knocking at my room, checking if I went home for the night. 2011 is not my year.

5. What countries and/or states did you visit?

This is so USA. (Alegado, 2009)

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

I want an uncomplicated love life, awesome figure all year round and capacity to save. (Alegado, 2010) Plus, I also want to gain the lost confidence… echos, los banos, labanos!

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

August 11, 2011

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Learning lots, and meeting lots of people to learn from.

9. What was your biggest failure?

That’s a really controversial question; I’d rather not answer that.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Yes, mostly stress induced.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Books and mocha based coffee shared with friends. (Alegado, 2009)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

I’d give snaps for really helpful old-timers, kind sources, awesome new friends, loyal old friends, hard working and idealistic reporters, and efficient press relations officers.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Back stabbing bitches whom I met in and out the workplace, robbers and criminals of all sorts, and inefficient press relations officers all warrant dying a slow and painful death.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Food, alcohol, and replacements for a stolen laptop and mobile phones drained my bank account.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Reporting and breaking big news. To be fair, I also got excited about getting paychecks.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?

Cupid by Amy Winehouse (Back to Black, 2006) and Until You Come Back to Me by Stevie Wonder (Anthology, 1977)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

Happier or sadder? I'd like to think that I'm happier.

Older or wiser? Wiser.

Thinner or fatter? Fatter.

Richer or poorer? Richer on paper.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Reading, managing my anger and keeping my mouth shut

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Rolling my eyes

20. How did you spend Christmas?

For the first time in History, I actually was awake for some 22 hours on Christmas day! But I did work during the holidays.

21. How will you be spending New Year's Eve?

Movie watching

22. Did you fall in love in 2011?

No, actually. I just had a few happy crushes

23. Did you fall out of love in 2010?

Sadly, yes.

24. What was your favorite TV program?

2 Broke Girls, Protect the Boss and Game of Thrones

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Yes.

26. What was the best book you read?

Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffeneger

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Ellie Goulding

28. What did you want and get?

Lessons learned

29. What did you want and not get?

I’ve been wanting a an uncomplicated love life and a toned body.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

Like Crazy (2011), Sakuran (2006) and Ang Babae sa Septic Tank (2011)

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Please read: 22nd.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Having a toned body… I know I’ve said this over and over again in this entry. Pero, putsa, kung di akong mukhang Buddha, mukha akong kantoboy.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

Laid back

34. What kept you sane?

Friends and alcohol

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Pchy, Bongbong Marcos, Jennifer Lawrence and Ji Sung. Yihee, I can feel my insides moving.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

Episodes of the Arroyo vs Aquino saga is sometimes eyebrow raising. Girl, kulang na lang mag-planking si Sec. de Lima sa airport.

37. Who did you miss?

I think I spent ample time with people who matter (Alegado, 2010).

38. Who was the best new person you met?

Old, idealistic journalists

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:

Desiderata

Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

“He walks away, the sun goes down

He take the day but I'm gone

And in your way in this blue shade

My tears dry on their own,” Tears Dry on Their Own by Amy Winehouse (Back to Black, 2006)

Two years ago I wrote this on piece of paper which I placed inside a thick book

2011-11-04T02:32:00.008+08:00

Fiction: Remembrance of Innocent Pasts (01.16.09)

He couldn't believe what he saw when he looked out the window. It was his mom watering orchids that hung on the sturdy mango tree in their front yard. She was smiling! And it made him smile too. His mom looked happy -- genuinely happy.

And as the water sprinkled into the dry, thirsty soil, he felt that his thirst for gladness had been quenched. Or so it seemed.

He had never seen his mom smile; not after cancer cells took over her body and soul. He remembered the days when the whole family -- his Ma, Pa, Kiko and he -- gardened at their front yard. But he couldn't exactly remember what it felt like to garden anymore. More so, to garden with his family.

He had forgotten.

How could he not? Seeing his mom die slowly made happiness just another footnote in his memory. /end.

---

I'm glad I found it. I'm glad that I'm back.

First, first copy

2011-10-23T00:08:00.007+08:00

I was cleaning up my email when I saw the first ever copy I submitted for BusinessWorld. I submitted it in May 21, 2010. Oh, how time flies.

I'll forever be thankful for the company who accepted me despite my lacks. Who knows where I'll be in the future? But for now, here's to the good times!

For memory's sake, here it is:

Stock Pick (05.21.11_Ayala Corp.)

BUY ON WEAKNESS

PCCI Securities Brokers Corp. has advised investors to acquire shares in Ayala Corp. at a cheaper price.

Ayala Corp. shares shed P5 to close at P315 apiece, already off its 30-day high of P357.50 after local stocks succumbed to a five-day losing streak.

"The best buy prices are around P290-P300 for the short term and P280 for the medium term," said analyst Paul D. Balaoing.

Last week, Ayala Corp.'s business process outsourcing (BPO) holding company LiveIt Solutions, Inc., which owns majority of BPO firm Integreon, bagged a 10-year outsourcing deal valued at $852 million from CMS Cameron McKenna LLP of the United Kingdom.

Campos, Lanuza & Co., Inc. analyst Jose Mari B. Lacson noted the move should "mitigate losses" in Ayala Corp.'s other BPOs like Stream Global Services Philippines.

Remember

2011-10-20T09:35:00.002+08:00

22nd

2011-10-16T03:49:00.006+08:00

The night before

Hours before my birthday, I was eating alone in a Japanese restaurant waiting for my friend whom asked to hitch a ride with from Manila back to east side. Dining alone had been a treat for me for some time now. I enjoy spending a few hundred bucks to get a moment of solitude. Everything’s shut out: it's just just me and my scrumptious meal. That night I dated with tofu, assorted maki and tonkatsu. Yum!

On the way back to the east side, my friend told me that my clique wanted to grab some drinks to celebrate another friend’s promotion and to welcome my birthday. I agreed, besides who wouldn’t want to go to work drunk? Kidding.

We went to a beer den in Katipunan extension, wondering why it opened just a few weeks after our graduation.

I remembered one afternoon back in college, we drank in a pub near the university and saw our College Secretary – who was then my professor. His face was quite questioning as if asking us what “model” students were doing there at mid-afternoon.

Oh, the crazy things we did.

Some things never change. That night we were drunk and crazy too! We decided to go to a friend’s house for a swim. And on the way, my newly promoted friend and I wanted to do something crazy. Something we had not done and would never do again.

Then we just found ourselves acting like burnt out college students, which we only imaniged we were back in school. I had half of my body stuck out the car as I peed on the near-empty highway, while my friend had his butt out the vehicle.

It was crazy and liberating. Our act was supposed to mean or represent something; I forget.

By midnight, we were in our underwear drinking beer, swimming and sharing a bowl of adobo rice. Simple pleasures.

The birthday

When I went out of my room, I saw a priest exit my father’s room. My sister told me he “anointed the sick.”

I smiled at the priest, as he shouted, “Are you the birthday boy?! Let me bless me you.” My sister and I snickered as he prayed and sprinkled holy water over me.

At work, I didn’t let anyone in my beat know it was my birthday. I had wanted to keep it low key. I wanted my day light and easy.

The day was plain sailing; no hassle. The fact that I didn’t have any big news to break was fine by me. I wasn’t joking when I said I wanted it light, anyway.

As I would sometimes say, “Oh well, wala akong career today. [I don’t have a career today].”

That night I didn’t dine alone, as my family had dinner together – something we only do during special occasions. It was an odd but happy feeling.

Surprisingly, my body clock didn’t go cuckoo that night. I had a goodnight’s sleep. Even if for the first time, as far as my memory could go, I dreamt I was being killed.

I wasn’t bothered by it at all. For if dreams, as elders would say, were the complete opposite of reality then mine meant I had never been so alive.

Post script. Thank you to all those who greeted me.

Love makes the world go round

2011-10-11T22:08:00.001+08:00

Just because this song makes me feel butterflies in my stomach. :)

Beyond Print: An Interview with Bongbong

2011-10-11T02:37:00.018+08:00

“Sometimes it’s not about having plans or doing your best. It’s being at the right place, at the right time.” – a veteran reporter to me

I read through my past entries, and I must say – sweet angry beejeezus – what a pity fest this blog has become. Back to regular programming, I will do what I do best; poke fun at myself.

I am happy to say that I am half-way through fully getting immune to the stress caused by unused stories and all other work-related frustrations. However, I’ll probably keep on writing about work, because what else is there to write about when all I do is work or think about work.

Yesterday, I made tons of what my editors would describe as daft decisions. For example, I decided to interview Senator Bongbong Marcos during a conference in Pasay City.

Scenario: Said conference was attended by political figures and Cabinet officials, among other big wigs that we reporters were running after the whole morning.

Already tired from the chase, we saw three officials – said Senator, a Congressman and former mayor turned civil society stakeholder – about to leave the plenary hall. Alas, we all ran again… to different directions.

Two of us interviewed the charming and witty Senator. I was able to hurl questions whose answers I needed to complete my planned story and so did the other. Safe to say, I was satisfied with the interview.

It took me nearly two hours to finish a 500 word article where I weaved the interview with three different event speeches. I was happy with the outcome. Neat!

Lo and behold, I was monitoring news this midnight when I discovered that my “Bongbong story” was unused (so much for the effort) and the interview with the Congressman landed page one on at least one major daily.

I know that our managing editor would be furious. And I am ready to face whatever consequence he may impose.

But, you see, that’s life. I had a story in mind and chased the sources I needed to complete it. However, the idea didn’t pan out.

In hindsight, the Congressman’s comments were indeed controversial and would warrant space on A1. If I had two bodies, I would’ve interviewed him as well.

I don’t regret choosing to interview Mr. Marcos. Really, I don’t. He’s cute, smart and easy to deal with – a no-nonsense kind of guy. (Now, my editor will really get mad.)

As I always tell myself, better luck next time!

EDIT (2:28 p.m.): My editor didn’t look for the Congressman’s story. Apparently, he thinks that wasn’t big enough. Moreover, my editor told me to weave in the “Bongbong story” to Homer’s speech at the conference’s closing day today. Yey!

EDIT (12:52 a.m./ Oct. 12): My “Bongbong story” was cut to 414 words… Guess what didn’t make it to print? Yeah, it’s my interview with Mr. Marcos. Seeesh.

Me write pretty one day!

2011-10-04T08:11:00.004+08:00

Looking back at the past few months that I’ve been filing news stories, I have realized how ill equipped I am writing wise.

Sure, I’ve had stints writing poetry and short stories here and there, and have attended workshops. What I mean to say is… I didn’t and still don’t know how to write a goddamn good news story.

Safe to say, I have some qualities one needs to pursue a career in journalism. I (think, I) know where to find news and what information is needed in a story. My iron stomach is at times questionable, but an inquisitive mind and a constant need to know the truth are always in my bag.

Still, I can’t, for the life of me communicate in the shortest, simplest, what-have-you way. Admittedly, I am too verbose. I use lots of words when I write and speak, which raises concerns on whether I have what it takes to do reporting in the long haul.

It would take lots of work on my part. But I’m ready to sweat blood and tears.

In closing, I wouldn’t give up news writing till I learn to communicate information in a way that’s concise and crisp. One day, I’ll string the words the best way not just for describing clouds on a stormy morning (poetic prose) but also for showing the effects of an increase in key rates to inflation (business news).

*Picture taken from Google images

I hope you don't mind

2011-09-26T06:45:00.004+08:00

One day, I'd like to sing this to a significant other. That day is not today, but I'll be looking forward.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

2011-08-22T03:54:00.006+08:00

It’s funny that I’ve become too emotional for someone known as the class clown. And it’s probably because 2011 is proving to be the most trying year of my life.

I’ve died a slow and painful death in the past few weeks. Now, I’ve never felt so alive.

Make it work

A few weeks ago, my boss told me writing for a daily may not be working out for me. They said I’m the type that needs time to get things done perfectly. It is true for the moment.

PHOTO: There was a time when I was happy and in love.

I agree with them when they pointed out me being “better-off” someplace else. I was better-off filing special reports in research, as I let the daily grind get to me.

But I enjoy what I’m doing, and it’s thrilling to look for stories to tell. I find meaning in what I do.

I must admit I do not see myself as a journalist for the long haul yet. But doing reportorial work is something I’d like to do while I’m energetic, idealistic and young.

My ego does miss my poster boy self. Moreover, I do miss my copies being barely edited – and at times untouched – when I was a researcher. But I’m a masochist, and I like raising the stakes. Besides, why settle where you’re good at?

Being told you’re not good enough means there’s more room for improvement. Isn’t that exciting?

Reconstructing a bag

My whole bag got stolen last month. I never thought I was carrying that much until the police officer tallied its contents. My gosh, why so expensive.

Reconstructing a bag is indeed emotionally and financial draining. I am now broke. On the upside, I was stripped of all the unnecessary things in my life including people who never really gave a damn.

Family Matters

It really changes the way you see someone when he’s dying. (This is really the most I can write, for now.)

Also, I am proving to have the lowest emotional quotient out of all daddy’s children (legitimate or not). Not good.

Random lines from my notepad

2011-06-30T00:10:00.003+08:00

So this is what it feels like to be aimless? Bliss. What a cliché; ignorance is bliss.
Your soul fleeting witlessly, then bam, it’s numb. It can’t move—you’re in comma.
You see. Black, blue, and then bruised purple.
Never lost a battle, well son, it’s time you should.
They never really learned. You never learn.
Our future is one big blank.
Please try your call later.
Lies.
Tolkien, Rowling, Dalisay, Marquez-Benetiz, Murakami.
Going, going, gone.

These lines summarize my June. If June were a person, I would've punched him in the face.

So long have we traveled, but how far have we gone?

2011-05-30T20:14:00.010+08:00

"For fifty years, you were my favorite poem and I’d read you every night knowing I might never understand every word but that’s okay – ‘cause the lines of you were the closest thing to holy I’d ever heard. You’d say, 'This kind of love has to be a verb.' We are paint on a slick canvas – it’s gonna take a whole lot to stick but if we do, we’ll be a masterpiece." --taken from a slam poetry entitled I do by Andrea Gibson.

Thanks to Kaka Sarte for sharing the transcript of this via Facebook.

The poem was written during the height of debates on California's Prop8. Odd enough, it reminded me of two bills that have been repeatedly filed in the Philippine congress since I was in primary school.

In my country, the thought of having the chance to say "I do" to their desired life-partner is a pipe dream for members of the gay community at large. In fact, a law that will allow them to is hardly thought of, as even the anti-discrimination bill has been in a legislative limbo for more than a decade. This was despite the Philippine government being a signatory to, among other international agreements, the International Covenant on Economic, Social and Cultural rights — a covenant which commits parties to work towards giving economic, social, and cultural rights to individuals.

Let us not go far. Currently, debates on the controversial Reproductive Health Bill, authored by Albay Rep. Edcel Lagman, has been put into spotlight.

Social and sometimes religious arguments both by supporters and adversaries are somewhat eyebrow raising. People can bring out as may many issues as they want, fine by me. But, please, let us not forget the main purpose of the bill--to provide poor women (and, yes, also men) access to proper reproductive health care and education.

There are thousands of Filipino women dying of Human Papillomavirus (HPV) and cervical cancer. There have been an increasing number of teenagers forced into unwanted pregnancies due to the lack of access to sex education and contraceptives.

I've said this before and I'll say it again. We live in a democracy, although sometimes we don't feel like it. So we can agree to disagree, but don't deprive others of their right to choice.

As blurred as we can get

2011-05-20T02:06:00.002+08:00

When the lights are turned off, there it is--the room full clutter. It's hollow.

Learning Cone

2011-05-13T01:17:00.001+08:00

I don't know where exactly I am at. But I seriously hope I'm getting there.

My motto in learning: Take the heartbreak, son! Unless you get exposed to the world's standards, how can you aim high?

Plights

2011-05-10T05:34:00.004+08:00

It's already another gloomy morning. Birds are chirping, yet the sun's still hiding behind the dark stormy clouds. But still I cannot, for the life of me, bring myself to sleep.

Last night, I've had separate conversations with two of probably the best budding reporters I know. Both are very smart girls and frankly very promising journalists.

One of them is rattled about media politics and how young reporters find it so hard to deal with news cartels and organized corruption within government agencies. "It's so hard to fight and pitch in suggestions on how to clean these up!" she says in her usual spunky demeanor.

The other is troubled with corporate politics, and how one is liked just because he's likable. But others, hard working as they are, seem to hide behind the shadows of their petty mistakes. She’s being kind.

Both of them blame their own predicament for the a high attrition rate in this industry.

"Why do people leave?" they ask.

"Lack of balls or they just pursue their happiness, whatever," I kid them.

Both of them have been staying because of their own personal advocacies; for the thrill of finding newsworthy stories and for fighting a societal battle by stringing words together.

Those two conversations remain stuck in my head for the rest of the wee hours. I ask myself, "Why do I do what I am doing?" rather "Who am I trying to please?"

I then remember what my former editor told me before I transferred to beat reporting from my desk job filing special reports. In this job, you only have to remember two things: for what are you doing this and for whom.

The two young women reporters seem to have what we often call a noble reason as to why they chose their path. But I can't find something that society will find as noble as theirs. I’ll be lying if I say I can.

Why do I do what I am doing? Who am I trying to please? For what? For whom?

I continue doing this because of learning. I learn by doing and sharing. I do this for myself.

Selfish as it may seem, that is the only reason I can find now. I want to better my writing and reporting. And I want to understand the inner workings of society.

Then when I am good enough, I can find thrill in finding news on other people's lives. When I am good enough, I’ll fight battles that I deem are important to fight.

One step at a time, I say, convincing myself.

You, what are you doing? Why do you do you what you do? Who are you trying to please? For what? For whom?

Today is less gloomy than yesterday. Or in my head at least it is.

Versions

2011-04-24T08:57:00.000+08:00

While researching for story ideas over the internet, I found a rehashed version of my article (originally posted from my daily's website) on an "energy firm's" website.

I find it a little odd, really. I am not complaining as they did give credit to my paper and myself. But the way they phrased the story was just odd.

Look at the first five paragraphs of the two versions. Which do you find easier to understand?

-----

My daily's version

"IMF sounds alarm on capital flows

THE INTERNATIONAL Monetary Fund (IMF) again warned emerging economies, including the Philippines, of the impact of hot money on asset prices, inflation and corporate debt levels.

“For policy makers in emerging market economies, the task is to limit overheating and a build-up of vulnerabilities -- to avoid ‘cleaning’ later,” the IMF said in chapter one of the “Global Financial Stability Report” released yesterday.

The report was released ahead of the IMF-World Bank spring meetings this weekend.

According to the IMF, increasing portfolio capital inflows are “putting pressure on some financial markets, contributing to higher leverage, potential asset price bubbles, and inflationary pressures.”

“Policy makers will have to pay increasing attention to containing the build-up of macro-financial risks to avoid future problems that could inhibit their growth and damage financial stability.”

Foreign capital has been flowing to emerging markets, attracted by these markets’ higher interest rates and stronger economic growth.

Rehashed version posted over the net

"IMF sounds alarm on collateral flows

For process makers in rising marketplace economies, a charge is to extent overheating and a rave of vulnerabilities — to equivocate cleaning later, a IMF pronounced in section one of a Global Financial Stability Report expelled yesterday.

The news was expelled forward of a IMF-World Bank open meetings this weekend.

According to a IMF, augmenting portfolio collateral inflows are putting vigour on some financial markets, contributing to aloft leverage, intensity item cost bubbles, and inflationary pressures.

Policy makers will have to compensate augmenting courtesy to containing a rave of macro-financial risks to equivocate destiny problems that could stop their expansion and repairs financial stability.

Foreign collateral has been issuing to rising markets, captivated by these markets aloft seductiveness rates and stronger mercantile growth.

Exclusive

2011-04-18T02:18:00.000+08:00

One scoop of news please. Minty with just the right amount of cream and sugar. Thanks!

Quite a lot of people think that finding a news story is easy. Wait for a press release, read it when you get it and write it. Don't forget to "dumb" it down!

But really, it's not like that. Finding a newsworthy story is hard. It entails hard work, persistence, wit, creativity, knowhow and more often than not the use of charms. Multiply that thrice and you get an exclusive.

My first exclusive story on the beat was from a development forum. I have had to study background, issues, brush up on economic concepts and draft questions before going to the event. To make sure I was the only one who asked the sources certain questions, I arrived early and left late too. A couple of calls to other sources in order to confirm the details and poof there's a scoop.

It becomes easier over time, as you get to buildup your network of sources. But when you're a newbie like me, it comes at a price. You forsake sleep, partying and, you know, your hormones. I kid.

The key to getting a scoop is different for everyone. Some media men are just so creative that they think of story ideas so out of this world not one of their colleagues would ever come up with it. Some are just so so goddamn hardworking--it's a vocation, and sometimes one's life. Some were just lucky.

Yup, that I can tell you. Luck sometimes is the name of the game. Most breaks, I think, come out of sheer luck.

This vocation is 99% hardwork, 0.75% inspiration and 0.25% luck. That's why it's exciting.

Meetings

2011-04-18T02:13:00.000+08:00

This is something I wrote in my old blog. Reading it made me realize that people you meet sometimes are the same, sometimes aren't.

Oh life.

For the Brats (July 2, 2009)

Dear Brat,

You probably get what you want when and where you want it. You're probably spoon fed using a silver spoon all your life. You're probably the it girl or boy or gay or lesbo. But I don't fucking care. You know why? Because I am trying to prepare you for other things that may come your way. You probably hated me for it but trust me it was intended for your own good. You have to know that the world doesn't revolve around your petty problems. There are more important things out there than your homework, your shoes, your crushes, and all other trivial worries that consume your time. And there will be a moment, more than once, that the world will neglect to attend to your paltry concerns. You'll hate it. You'll feel bad. You'll feel like you've hit rock bottom even if you're just swimming in harsh waters. I won’t take matters in my own hands anymore, since I've discovered that most people like you are impossible to deal with. I'll let fate teach you the art of acceptance, understanding and open mindedness. I hope you’ll remember this instance when your most dreaded event happens. And I wish you a meaningful life.

Without love but with understanding,

Sieg

Post script. I bet you don't even wash your own underwear.

Post Post script. I can’t believe I wrote you a letter. As I’ve said, there are more important things out there than your concerns. Then again, you probably don’t concern yourself with these. All you think about is yourself.

Children get older, and I'm getting older too

2011-03-31T04:16:00.000+08:00

It's quite funny how time flies. A couple of years ago, I was nursing my first niece. And I just learned that she's graduating from primary school.

Upon hearing the news, I can't help but contemplate on how I've grown to understand how things should fall into place and how I've never outgrown some petty things--like, you know, over thinking and that shenanigan we call teenage angst.

A lot has changed in me, since I graduated from college a little over a year ago. Here I am a 21 year-old trying to find himself amidst the clutter he made for himself and is struggling to get by each day with his sanity intact.

Before, my mentors looked at me as a boy full of promise. I wonder if they still will if they see me now. I've never been so unsure of myself. This is what I've become--pathetic. A living by paycheck to paycheck sort of freak without a single ounce of life in his soul. I couldn't help but laugh. Sweet angry jeezus, what ever happened to me?!

This is becoming a trend, isn't it? More than half of my friends left their first jobs or are intending to leave, you know, so they can find themselves. No judgement. I know how hard this quarter life shiznit of a crisis is.

On the contrary, I found who I was a long time ago. I just lost the sense of who I was along the way, and intend to get it back.

I was that boy who had the power to string words together and make people challenge the way they think. I was that boy that a terror Fulbright scholar professor thought was all that.

But here I am back to square one. I'll fight battles I've once fought and won. And honey, I'll fight them well.

Every day is a new day. And one day my niece will see how good a man I've become. That's the best graduation gift I could think of.

photo from tumblr: "Talent is luck. The important thing in life is courage."--Woody Allen

Blackbird singing in the dead night

2011-03-31T01:00:00.001+08:00

These past few weeks have been extremely trying. I have to admit, I wasn't my self. And this may have arisen from a number of factors, which I refuse to elaborate.

Somehow, I need to get back the positivism I lost. I have to pick-up all the bits of self-worth trashed. Even goddesses fall, you know. Echos, los baños, labanos.

I know I've said this over and over again, but I'll say it again. World, just you wait and see!

Blackbird, take this broken wings and learn to fly. All your life you were only waiting for moment to arrive. Blackbird, fly. Into line of dark black night.

In other news, this New Yorker cover art is the bomb. The bomb, I tell you.

PS. Ang dami kong drama sa buhay keri?! Itigil na ito, bukas luluhod ang mga tala!

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing

2011-03-29T08:56:00.000+08:00

A little over a month as a reporter and two weeks into my new beat, I am re-evaluating whether this vocation is really for me.

Sure, it's very, very challenging. And there are tons of things to learn. But looking past through what my colleagues and I have been experiencing--for some reason I can't explain--I ask whether the juice is worth the squeeze. I don't want to lose my drive to write, and as of now that is what is happening.

I'm giving it a few more months. I'm giving all I've got. And when all else fails, I just have to remember that Walt Disney was told by editor that he's unimaginative.

Year-to-date tally: 9 resignations as of March 27.

Some sense of urgency

2011-03-12T22:41:00.000+08:00

This vocation is turning out to be very, very challenging. I hope I do well.

Being told you did a "great job" is just the cherry on top the cake. Writing's what makes me love it, even if I write better given enough time.

I've got to learn how to write well and fast at the same time, though. This so-called sense of urgency, most of the time, gets the best of me writing wise.

Tomorrow's a new day, and we're only as good as our last... yeah.

On a side note, I hope Japan will get back on its feet as fast as possible. I know they will.

Stay safe mortals.

Time-Out/ Time-Off

2011-01-30T14:15:00.000+08:00

I have been feeling that I am running after time, rather feeling running out of time. I am almost always in a hurry, like I am about to die the next day.

Every now and then I remember to breathe. Inhale. Exhale. And after a split second, I come out running.

Go getter. Carpe diem, my boy!

The only time when I can listen to myself are moments of solitude. Alone, in the night. Staring blankly at a computer screen. Fighting the white bull. This is not healthy--both to the body and soul, I mean.

I want a time-off. A week, perhaps. Just me. Alone in a place where I have no friends, no old acquaintances.

Just one week, before I run a race.

Scribbles #1

2011-01-26T01:08:00.000+08:00

"January 03, 2011 (Monday)

You walk among them, but lost in anonymity--cliche. Can I borrow?

You put a face on; one people can easily recognize. Generic. That's what you are. They see you, though, as someone different. Unique. They're being nice. They look at you and admire such truth, but you're a lie.
Too many skeletons in your see-through closet. But how many can they see? How many can you see?

Tell me darling, when will you show the truth? When will you be true? Maybe never. It's amusing playing pretend. We all play pretend, don't we? Even those who are the truest."

The art of doing nothing

2011-01-21T16:58:00.000+08:00

Sometimes one feels time fleeting like water one scooped from a pale trickling down, down from one's hand.

It leaves its mark.

Time one spent staring blankly through space leaves one's emotions churning. Possibly questioning the way one weaves the stories of life.

Time spent not doing anything is time spent brewing thoughts that will challenge the way one lives. Time spent not doing anything gives one time and space to breathe.

Time spent sitting in a nook without worries is time when one is true.

Banner-bylined

2011-01-15T22:51:00.000+08:00

Learning to write well was probably the single most important reason why I decided to work for a daily. It maybe some twisted reason, but it had worked well for me. And having had signs that I'm actually improving makes me able to sleep at night. Seriously.

I never thought that the editors would give one of the "new" researchers a banner-byline, considering that most of us are new and had no journalism experience prior to joining the company. But this sure made my day, especially since I had to defend the story three times and waited for clearance until around 9 pm.

Happy pill

It was the most gratifying byline I've gotten, so far. We'd better raise the stakes, for I'm sure that the learning doesn't stop here.

For those interested to read the article: http://www.bworldonline.com/Downloads/BWDigitizedArchives/BWDigitized011311.pdf

This 2010, I played Hubble from The Way We Were

2010-12-29T05:42:00.000+08:00

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
Worked for a reputable publication, payed income taxes, tried "sakalam", fell in love, earned a bachelors degree, bought gifts for family (fine, judge me).

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't have a resolution to keep. And yes, I will make one for I need a toner body.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My colleague.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Tito Rico.

5. What countries and/or states did you visit?
This is so USA. (Alegado, 2009)

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
An uncomplicated love life, awesome figure all year round and capacity to save.

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The makings of BusinessWorld's TOP 100 Corporations in the Philippines (never again), college graduation, getting a different kind of high, smoking in campus. Why? Because, come to think of it, it was awesome.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
CV wise--Earning my bachelors, with honors, from Southeast Asia's premier school of economics.
Personal wise--Doing what I've always wanted to do. Write.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Finding and losing love. "It'll never worked," I said. I ~~could have~~ loved that one.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes. Mostly dental.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Books and mocha based coffee shared with friends. (Alegado, 2009)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Friends, family and the support group. The world is awesome.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Names withheld. But, trust me, they caused me tons of stress.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Food, clothing and dental plan. Food mostly.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
To be fair, getting recognition. What? I'm just honest. Also, writing awesome stories.

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
Everyday People sung by Sly & The Family Stone.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder? I'd like to think that I'm happier.
Older or wiser? Wiser.
Thinner or fatter? Fatter.
Richer or poorer? Richer on paper.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Reading.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Over thinking.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
The usual. Slept my way through it. (Alegado, 2009)

21. How will you be spending New Year's Eve?
Smiling.

22. Did you fall in love in 2010?
Yes.

23. Did you fall out of love in 2010?
Sadly, yes.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Glee!; Modern Family

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Yes.

26. What was the best book you read?
One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Dionne Bromfield; Freshlyground

28. What did you want and get?
Graduating with honors and shoes.

29. What did you want and not get?
Love life. One that is uncomplicated.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Dancer of the Dark (2000), since this was not released this year I have to say Easy A (2010) and Ang Paglilitis ni Andres Bonifacio (2010).

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Brought food at the office--pizza and pasta; no drinks, sorry. Bought pie for family dinner. Celebrated my 21st.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Staying in love. Asa ka boy!

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Preppy on most days. Shirt and Jeans on lazy days.

34. What kept you sane?
Please see previous post.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Pchy, Emma Stone, Agyness Deyn.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Because everything is political. So, the proposed budget cuts on state universities and colleges.

37. Who did you miss?
I think I spent ample time with people who matter.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
BusinessWorld Kids. Keep fighting.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
Never ever leave your house without your sanity.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"If we had a chance to do it all again

Tell me, would we? Could we...." (The Way We Were sung by Barbra Streisand)

"The dog days are over

The dog days are done

The horses are coming so you better run...." (Dog Days are Over sung by Florence + The Machine)

Handy, dandy sanity: An incoherent post of days that were

2010-12-29T04:58:00.000+08:00

It has been eons since I last posted. My oh my. The second half of the year has been pretty eventful in a mundane kind of way. If you know what I mean. But sadly, I have resigned to publishing thoughts via Facebook wall posts.

Work is work is work, my darlings. There were good days, work wise, and bad days that come ever so often. My colleagues and I struggle to keep a smile, as life in the media is extremely (how shall I put it nicely) trying. We have had pretty awesome moments that we savor. But as the saying goes we're only as good as our last byline. And trust me, my loves, it isn't that easy to get. In our organization, at least. Only god knows how it works for other publications.

But we're young and, as I like to think of us, full of promise. So there's nothing really left to do but work our butts off.

We have our own coping mechanisms. For me, I have my friends that I can talk to over a cup of coffee or a bottle of vodka. Moreover, my family has been very supportive, and I thank them for that.

My colleagues and I also hangout a lot lately. I guess, no one can really relate to you but people like you.

I'm still cooking up on a lot of things. I like to think I haven't lost my fire, yet. There are tons of stories to write, books to read, films to watch, people to meet, and things to learn. And I'm starting to work on that by catching up on my reading backlog.

The future's bright, really. And the world is awesome.

One thing I learned from the events that conspired: Never ever leave your house without your sanity.

*Photo from tumblr

Where have our friends gone?

2010-07-26T00:41:00.000+08:00

Hello world,

Last week was probably the worst week of my life, yet. I had intestinal flu. I was vomiting and had diarrhea for days. I wrote my worst article to date and accidentally sent the unedited version of another. On top of that, I received a special message from my editor telling me to "read my copy before submitting it".

'Lang hiya! I felt so stupid, I swear. In the words of Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, "I am sorry!"

Good thing, a night-out with Segunda kept me sane. We met up at Katipunan, because it's where we always meet. We bumped into Lakambini who was with a date, and talked about adult stuff. Gosh, Lakambini's now employed! And in our group we say, "Once you get 'employed' you can never be unemployed." After dinner, Segunda and I let the two lovers be.

We were bored and we went up the deck of a condominium where nearly crashed into a private party. But we were too old for a crowd of college juniors, so we dedcided to go to Cubao Expo. We ate at Mogwai, walked around, talked to strangers, bought things, and saw the Future.

Something that I bought. So far, so good.

After all the might-have-beens (texting all our friends to come join us), we decided to kill time at ILOVEYOU X FUTURE. There we realized that all of our friends have gone to bed. And there we were. Young, good looking, and fat lost in a mob of what seems to be a huge group of friends. We both decided that we'll be a strong force to reckon with in a few years.

But alas, we could only rant so much. So, we mustered enough strength to dance and talk to people. Hello, new found friends! And everything was history.

Segunda and I will go back next week, hopefully with other friends. Because we belong.

Best,

Zig

PS I really want to thank the DJ in a yellow shirt who played another M.I.A. You salvaged my week, Sir.

Pinoy style spaghetti

2010-07-17T14:56:00.000+08:00

When I was in college, I have written a couple of academic papers about being a Filipino and how it is difficult for a young naive Filipino teenager to define what is a Filipino. Strange enough, I always ended up concluding that a Filipino is a mix of different cultures, races, and ideologies. Not uncommon for a nation that was colonized by countries like Spain, Japan, and the US.

To me, however, what makes us different is how we managed to embrace the new and retain ourselves bringing about a culture that is our own. Culture is dynamic, as our language, literature, and arts show. And it will be a never ending process of defining who we really are as a people. We acquire different thoughts and tastes thereby changing our perspective of who we are.

Funny it is, that this thought is provoked by Pinoy Style Spaghetti given by a neighbor.

Recipe for Pinoy Style Spaghetti (from pinoyrecipe.net with inputs from me)

Ingredients:

1 kg. spaghetti noodles
1/2 kg. ground beef
1/2 kg. ground pork
1/4 kg. hotdogs, diagonally sliced
1 kg. tomato sauce
3 pieces laurel leaves (bay leaves)
1/4 cup brown or white sugar
2 green bell peppers, diced
2 onions, chopped
1 head garlic, minced
3 tablespoons of cooking oil
1 cup of water

Salt and pepper to taste
1/2 cup grated cheese

Cooking Instructions:

Cook spaghetti noodles according to package instructions.
In a sauce pan or wok, sauté garlic and onions in cooking oil.
Add ground beef, ground pork, laurel leaves, bell pepper and a cup of water. Bring to a boil and let simmer for 10 minutes.
Add tomato sauce, salt and pepper to taste then let simmer for another 10 minutes
Add brown sugar and hotdogs. Continue to simmer for an additional 5 minutes.
Serve with the cooked spaghetti noodles and grated chedar cheese on top.

Best shared with family, friends, and neighbors over tons of chika. Nom nomnom nomnom.

Barely breathing

2010-07-05T04:18:00.001+08:00

Hello world,

Before I move on to blogging about Films, which I will do in the next few days. I will blog about my how my world sparkles. Charot.

Actually, I am dead tired. I do not exactly know why, but I've been having migraine attacks more often. Weird eh? Moreover, my work schedule is holding me back from writing more fiction and poetry.

On a related note, Segunda's writing club, which I am a part of, hasn't officially commenced yet. But I'm sure that after everyone's settled we'll all sit down for our first workshop.

And oh, I am currently in a smoking cessation. I think it's best to stop now, or else I'd prolly die by 30. Through this process, I've realized that the solution to my nicotine dependence is *drum roll please* retail therapy. Why oh why?

Don't worry I am trying my best to budget my meager media man compensation for my bills, "savings", and retail therapy.

Care to give me some stressballs?

Best,

Zig

PS Here's some good ol' Chelsea Lately for laughs!

Tie a yellow ribbon 'round the old oak tree

2010-06-30T12:00:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I had a conversation with my colleague. We both weren't as jubilant as most people who showed up at Quirino Grandstand were.

Sure, we do hope that there would be something great in store for the country. But we both believed that all Filipinos must remain as vigilant as we all were during the last years of the Arroyo administration. A change in leadership do not necessarily translate to a change in the system. A system that plagued the Philippine bureaucracy for generations.

Today, we officially had a new President. But we all need to work our butts off to achieve continued growth and less poverty.

I know that some of us are ashamed to Filipinos, and I do not blame you. But I hope that we both do not want to be ashamed anymore.

Tomorrow is another day.

Homer, we will be watching.

Running the race

2010-06-27T17:34:00.000+08:00

Some people say that a life of a penniless journalist is boring as hell. Many stories, screenplays, speeches, and articles have been written about or are inspired by the lives of media men. And most will think that all of these are mere exaggerations of the real thing.

I disagree, and will comment on the roller coaster experiences of people behind the news articles you might skim through during your morning routine.

Coming from the eyes of a newbie in the field, I say, that working for a daily is like competing in a triathlon. (This is, totally, coming from a third person perspective.) You have to have to guts to compete in it, the skills to survive it, and the drive to complete it. You need to have endurance. You need to be fast if you want to win. And most of the time, according to my editor, you need to "use your charms." Ha ha... I frolic.

Really, this field's not glamorous. Sure it has perks, and you'll have some sense of fulfillment. Moreover, you'll never feel that what you do is irrelevant. But sometimes when the course is hard, when the lake's deep, when the tire bursts, a few just end up saying, "Maybe, this is not for me."

However, working in a daily excites me. It is constant learning process. Everyday I discover something new, and get the chance to share it. I am enjoying, really. Even if I get tired and stressed-out, I know all of this will be worth it.

As of now, I'm gaining the skills that I need to run a triathlon. And when the time comes that I have to run the race, I have to make sure that I'll finish it. Because a race is meant to be finished.

In the words of my workmate, "If it's not this, ano pa ba?"

--
Wow, I sounded so melodramatic and cliche. Next week, I'd totally laugh at myself for publishing this.

Spontaneity is the key

2010-06-19T22:40:00.000+08:00

Thursday afternoon: I walked around Cubao to contemplate over work, dreams, life, and a potential lover--something I do whenever I feel time fleeting.

My feet took me to the downtown buildings with charcoal stained walls, old cinemas that were once a testament to Manila's glory days, thrift shops that ironically remain heaven for both the "fashionably" rich and the hungry. And as I passed by the alleys, I saw change coming. I thought I've had something intelligent to say about Cubao's underground culture, I forget.

Thursday night: I drank empty a bottle of beer and a of glass rum, and ate plate of tapa at Mogwai just because I had nothing else to do. And as I observed the crowd around me, I found myself writing this: "I sit alone in a bar waiting for no one, for nothing. It feels like I am at an industrial valley. Alcohol pumping through the crowd's veins, as they exhaust nicotine stained breath that prick the sky, their lungs and hearts."

In an effort to do something, I mustered little courage to talk to the crowd and the "mogwaiters". I discovered a new book--a collection of fiction about photography-- entitled Caught in the Act that a nice mister was reading. I also inquired about Mogwai's film screening that night. Lo and behold, they screened a film just for me! I tried asking some people to join me, but they declined. They chose beer over a good film. How could they miss the Goya award winning Celda 211? (More on this film on the next post.)

visit Mogwai's site for screening schedules

While waiting for the crew to set the equipment up, I strolled around Cubao-X and noticed a nice photospace/cafe. I entered, and was greeted by one of the shop owners Guia. She introduced me to the exhibit titled Nazareno, which showcased photos taken by Jake Versoza (who also co-owns the shop) during the feast of the Black Nazarene.

The shop, called Manila Collective, is just a month old. It showcases photography by professionals, students, and hobbyist. It's a place where one can appreciate art, as he enjoys a cup of coffee and a bite of pastry.

Friday morning: An interesting conversation with my co-worker made me debate against myself. Why would a divine being, a god exist? What for? Seriously, why?!

Friday night: I met up with my friends Lakandula, and Segunda for dinner at Katipunan. Just like the old times, we stuffed ourselves with carbohydrates fresh from fast food chains, smoke, and caffeine from our dearest friend Mister SB.

Lakandula and Segunda

We also had a new recruit. Segunda's workmate dropped by to say hello.

Hello, Maximo Viola!

While talking about our currently non-existent love lives, we ran out of cigarettes. Segunda, being a known martyr, volunteered to buy two packs at the nearest convenience store three blocks away.

Wish sticks gone

Segunda got back eons after. And we suddenly missed our resident muse. You owe us a visit, Lakambini!

Postcard signed with love for Lakambini. Me, Lakandula and Segunda.

Segunda's "lover" turned law school freshman turned fraternity boy Lordy Florian dropped by to hug her

Lakandula was about to drive us to Aurora Blvd. when I suggested we drop by our friend and Segunda's "housemate" Roda. We just had to see Roda's dogs. Just like the old times, Lakandula driving with the radio on while all of us sang at the top of our lungs, as we headed to our destination.

One of Roda's dogs, Chloe, gave birth. I'm completely not a dog lover, I had nine cats. But Roda's dogs are just cute.

And then I went home to sleep.

No one in the corner has a swagger like us

2010-06-13T20:55:00.000+08:00

I've always known that I am a nomad. Hence, I am back here at blogger.

Well let's just say that I am at another stage in my life. I've graduated from college, and am starting on my professional career. So naturally (or unnaturally), I feel like I have to start anew. Just like that. Let's see where this blog takes me. I hope to write more about art, films, books, writing, underground manila, clothes, economics, politics, religion, and everything and anything that brings me joy.

I surmise that this is another journey that will be one hell of a ride.

See you around, mate!